Bishounen Boys and the Holy Gundam
by Kasigi Omi
Summary: Very silly parody of the infamous Holy Grail movie


Note: None of the characters belong to me. Not the Gundam boys, Sailor Moon, the goddesses, or the Sorcerer Hunters. They just appear, cause I like the animes and I hadn't seen all that many at the time that I wrote this. (I've now seen over fifty!) Anyway, the rough plot belongs to Monty Python. This is majorly OOC, but that was the point. I did it to be silly. Relena-bashing. You are warned. Enjoy, and please review!  
  
  
  
  
  
Bishonen Boys and the Holy Gundam  
  
  
  
King Treize, ruler of the entire world, sat in his royal chambers and sulked. Technically he didn't rule the world, and he wasn't even a king, but that was his problem. "I have the ego of a king," he mused, doodling on the white walls of his padded cell with a red crayon, "I just need the country to rule." His drawing became an image of a stick man with a crown standing on a castle wall holding a rose. Treize smiled arrogantly, "If I could just find a way to get Queen Relena off her throne, the world would be mine. Hmmm….." His face lit up and he jammed a finger into the air, "That's it! If I could find the Holy Gundam, I could use it to kick out the stupid ditz and steal her throne!" Laughing merrily to himself, he set about digging an escape tunnel with a plastic spoon.  
  
Two years later he managed to free himself from his cell in the institution and within a month he had a small band of followers to help him on his quest. The five knights he had rallied to his cause were very beautiful young men. The knights were, Sir Heero the suicidal, Sir Duo the hyperactive, Sir Trowa the silent, Sir Quatre the flaming and Treize's favorite, Sir Wufei the just. Together they formed a band whose names and deeds would be retold through history and denied by any sane historian. This is the tale of their quest for the most Holy Gundam.  
  
"Hey! Look guys! A swallow carrying a coconut!" Sir Duo exclaimed, pointing.  
  
"Shut up!" the other knights chorused, except for Sir Trowa. He remained silent, as usual.  
  
King Treize wasn't paying attention at the moment. They had come upon a giant castle and Treize's mind was filled with living in his very own castle with a lovely rose motif….  
  
"Hello? Who is it?" a voice called from the parapets.  
  
Treize snapped out of his daze and called back, "I am the soon-to-be King Treize and these are my knights of the bishonen club. We are on a quest for the Holy Gundam so I can take my rightful place as King of the World. Do you know where we could find the Holy Gundam?"  
  
A flash of platinum blond shone from the top of the castle wall as the guard flipped his long hair, "Bishonen, huh? Could I join you on your quest?"  
  
Treize became thoughtful, "How old are you?"  
  
"Nineteen," came the reply.  
  
"I'm terribly sorry, but you are too old to be one of my knights. It's a sixteen and under age limit. I don't have enough money to afford older knights," Treize explained.  
  
"Fine, then you can't see the Holy Gundam, which is in this castle you know," the guard said petulantly. "See if they turn down the help of Zechs and get away with it," he muttered angrily. "Send in the gophers!"  
  
Soon Treize and his band found themselves almost buried alive under a barrage of squeaking, squirming gophers. "Run away!" Treize shouted.  
  
"Self destruct!" Sir Heero the suicidal cried, whipping a hand held detonator out of his spandex.  
  
Sir Duo grabbed his arm and pulled him along, "Not yet Sir Heero! The mission hasn't been failed yet."  
  
"Aww.." Sir Heero pouted, allowing himself to be pulled. Only Sir Duo could get away with stopping Sir Heero in the middle of a suicide attempt.  
  
Hiding behind a hill, Treize turned to his followers, "We need to get in there and steal that Holy Gundam. How do we get in?"  
  
"We could offer the guards tea and cookies and maybe they'll let us in, cause we were so nice," Sir Quatre the flaming offered.  
  
"……," Sir Trowa the silent suggested.  
  
"Blow it up," Sir Heero muttered darkly.  
  
"Scale the walls!" Sir Duo the hyperactive added, jumping up and down on his massive and perpetual sugar buzz.  
  
"Point out the injustice of firing gophers at fellow warriors," Sir Wufei the just grumbled, pulling one of the rodents out of his pants.  
  
"We could build a large wooden rabbit and climb inside. When it's dark, we could jump out and catch them not only by surprise, but completely unarmed!" a funny looking man with a silly mustache and a tin can on his head suggested.  
  
The band of brave questers didn't even question his appearance, or his disappearance several seconds later. When you follow a loony like Treize, strange occurrences don't faze you anymore. "What a good idea," Treize murmured, stroking his chin.  
  
In the castle Zechs heard banging and sawing sounds outside, punctuated by loud explosions. Minutes later a rather charred looking wooden Gundam was wheeled up outside. Tentatively, several guards opened the door and looked up at it. "What should we do with it?" Zechs asked.  
  
A fellow guard tossed down his copy of The Iliad that he had been reading and walked to the door. "Bring it in I guess."  
  
The bishonen watched from behind a bush as their creation was wheeled into the castle. "Hee hee, this is great," Sir Duo chortled.  
  
"What happens now?" Sir Quatre asked.  
  
The funny looking man in the tin can reappeared, "Now we wait till nightfall and then Heero, Duo and Trowa leap out of the Gundam…."  
  
"Aww…" a collective groan went up from the group as they hit their foreheads.  
  
"All those explosives used for nothing…" Sir Heero groaned.  
  
"Perhaps if we built this large wooden space colony…" the funny man continued as he slowly faded from sight.  
  
"I think we need to stop sniffing King Treize's roses," Sir Duo muttered, "Whatever's on them is causing massive hallucinations…"  
  
"See if I trust a strange guy who just appears out of nowhere again," Sir Quatre pouted cutely.  
  
"…….," Sir Trowa agreed.  
  
"Oh well," Treize shrugged, "Let's get on with our quest, shall we? The sooner we find the Holy Gundam, the sooner I become king!" Whistling a jaunty tune, he pranced off down a path. With shrugs, the boys followed as well.  
  
Suddenly clouds covered the sun and a massive image appeared in them. "Treize…" a loud voice boomed.  
  
"Who're you?" Sir Duo shouted.  
  
The figure came into focus. It was a huge white robot, "I am Wing Zero."  
  
"My lord!" Sir Heero threw himself to the ground.  
  
"What a nut," Sir Duo muttered, nudging the prone form with a toe.  
  
"And what do you want with us?" Treize shouted.  
  
"End your foolish quest now. The world does not need a crazy, arrogant pansy ruling it," Wing Zero informed them.  
  
"Excuse me, but I'm a crazy, arrogant rose. Now, step aside peasant," Treize brushed past the massive foot without a second thought. The boys followed a little more hesitantly, Sir Duo dragging Sir Heero who kept groveling until they were well past the place where they met Wing Zero.  
  
"We should split up," Treize suddenly announced. "Sir Duo, you go west. Sir Heero, you go east. Sir Trowa, you head north and Sir Quatre, you go south. Sir Wufei and I will stay in this area. If you find the Holy Gundam, bring it back here with you."  
  
"Um, why can't I go?" Sir Wufei asked worriedly.  
  
"I need you to keep me company Dragon," Treize purred, stroking his leg affectionately. Sir Wufei's screams could be heard for quite some time as the other bishonen went on their assigned paths.  
  
Sir Duo skipped down his path singing at the top of his lungs. Being hyperactive had those nasty side effects. Suddenly he skipped into a misty clearing of woods in which many tall men with antlers on their heads were assembled. "Ni!" one of the tall figures shouted.  
  
This being rather intriguing, Sir Duo stopped and cocked his head at the man, "Say what?"  
  
"We are the knights who say Ni! If you wish to pass through this forest alive, you must bring us a shrubbery, otherwise we will say Ni at you again." the man announced.  
  
"How would you kill me? By saying Ni to me?" Sir Duo asked.  
  
"Yes. Ni! Ni! Ni!" the man began, and soon all the antlered men in the clearing were chanting with him.  
  
"Why does that word kill people? Will other words work?"  
  
By now the knights were getting very irritated with the short nuisance who asked too many questions. "Any of the sacred words would suffice," the leader groaned.  
  
"What are the sacred words?" Sir Duo questioned, wide eyed.  
  
"We are the keepers of the secret words, we cannot tell you. Now go ahead and leave already!" the knights who say Ni were tired of the boy, and obviously weren't going to frighten him into getting them a shrubbery.  
  
"Oh! Oh!" Sir Duo jumped up and down in excitement, "Can I guess? Can I guess?"  
  
"No!" the leader of the knights shouted, but there was no stopping Sir Duo the hyperactive once he had an idea.  
  
"Aardvark! Armadillo! Snoot! Barracuda! Godzilla!" Sir Duo suggested. The knights groaned. It was going to be a very long day.  
  
"In the name of justice, I will punish you!" a blond girl with strange ponytails announced to the slimy monster.  
  
"Justice? Sir Wufei would love that," Sir Trowa the silent mused to himself. He had come upon a meadow and found a group of girls fighting a slimy muck creature. For lack of anything better to do, he had settled down to watch, apparently forgetting the rule of chivalry that decreed that knights should always rescue a damsel in distress.  
  
"World Shaking!" a deeper voice cried and the land around the monster began shaking violently.  
  
"Deep Submerge!" a girl with aqua hair shouted as water rushed at the monster.  
  
Neither attack had any affect. "Let me try," the girl with the strange hair called to her companions, whipping out a wand that looked like it was bought at a toy store. She then began a series of pointless, but impressive twists and swirls. "Moon Spiral Heart Attack!" she yelled and pointed the wand at the monster. Swirls of sparkles and hearts flooded out the end of the wand. This attack also had no affect on the monster. "Ack! Why didn't it work?" the blond girl shrieked in dismay and then began bawling.  
  
As if suddenly remembering he was supposed to protect girls, Sir Trowa stood up and drew his sword. He flipped into battle with the monster, jumping and twirling almost as impressively as the girl had. Eventually the monsters head landed on the ground and the creature turned into a pile of dust.  
  
When he turned to look at the girls he had saved, he found them watching him with shimmery eyes. "He's so dreamy," one girl, with a big red bow sighed.  
  
"Just like my old boyfriend," another chimed in.  
  
"Maybe we should ask him who he is and why he helped us," a tall woman with short blond hair suggested.  
  
"Oh, yeah!" the blond with the silly hair agreed, shaking her head to clear her eyes of the hearts in them. "I'm Sailor Moon, and these are my sailor scouts, Mars, Jupiter, Venus, Mercury, Neptune and Uranus."  
  
"……….," Sir Trowa introduced himself, and then proceeded to explain his mission to the girls, most of whom sat swooning over him, with the exceptions of Neptune and Uranus who seemed to have other interests.  
  
"Maybe I can help," Mars suggested, "Let's start a fire."  
  
Several minutes later the girls and bishonen sat around a blazing fire as Mars chanted quietly. An image of a group of five people appeared in the fire. "You need to find these people. They will direct you in how you can finish your quest." The image vanished, "You can repay me for my help by going out on a date with me," she added, smiling at him.  
  
"I saw him first!" Jupiter interrupted.  
  
Soon a major cat fight between Mars, Venus and Jupiter broke out. The other four scouts sported huge sweatdrops. "Go, now," Uranus suggested. Sir Trowa nodded and made a break for the woods before they could notice he was gone.  
  
"None shall pass," the bulky man in black armor growled as he stood blocking passage across his bridge.  
  
"Move, now," Sir Heero warned, pulling a threatening gun out of his spandex.  
  
"None shall pass," the black knight repeated.  
  
"Fine. Then we fight," Sir Heero replaced his gun in his spandex and pulled out a sharp broad sword. If the knight wondered where he hid the sword in the spandex, he didn't ask.  
  
The Black Knight pulled his sword and advanced on the small bishonen. Swords clashed and metal hit steel. Eventually Sir Heero managed to hack off the man's arm. "I have defeated you," Sir Heero said, "Now stand aside."  
  
"'Tis but a scratch," the Black Knight replied.  
  
Sir Heero looked at the arm lying on the ground. "You're right. Let's keep fighting," he agreed. Seconds later the second arm landed on the ground.  
  
"It's just a flesh wound. I've had worse," the Black Knight told Sir Heero.  
  
"So have I," Sir Heero informed him, continuing to hack at the armless knight. A leg hit the ground and the Black Knight bounced about on one.  
  
"Okay, that's enough," the Black Knight laughed nervously, not liking the insane gleam in his opponents eyes.  
  
"I have wounded you?" Sir Heero sounded truly surprised.  
  
"Actually, the Black Knight is invincible, but that's enough fighting. You can pass."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Sure, go ahead. You're worthy," the Black Knight gestured with his head, telling Sir Heero to move on.  
  
"If you insist," Sir Heero shrugged, chopped off the Black Knights other leg for good measure, and crossed the bridge.  
  
"What a loony," the torso of the Black Knight muttered, and was then ripped apart by the explosives Sir Heero the suicidal had set on him while they had been fighting. Sir Heero heard the explosion and laughed maniacally as he walked away, tossing the used detonation switch over his shoulder.  
  
Sir Quatre staggered through the rain and managed to reach the door of the little castle. "Please, let me in!" he wailed, pounding on the door, "I'm wet, I'm cold and I missed tea time! For the love of Gundams, please let me in!"  
  
The door creaked open and Sir Quatre rushed in, to find himself face to face with a pretty young woman with long brown hair and interesting markings on her face, one of which was a line in the middle of her forehead. "Welcome to the Castle Urd. My name is Belldandy. What's yours?"  
  
Sir Quatre smiled politely, "I'm Sir Quatre the flaming, knight of the bishonen club and follower of the soon-to-be King Treize."  
  
"How nice!" Belldandy clapped her hands together and smiled at him. "You look like you could use a rest. Follow me. I'll show you to a room where you can relax and recuperate." Sir Quatre followed as Belldandy talked in her sweet, musical voice, "It's a very interesting life. I live here with my sisters, Urd and Skuld, as well as my dear Keiichi."  
  
"Urd?" Sir Quatre interrupted, "Like the name of the castle?"  
  
Belldandy smiled, "My sister wanted to name the castle after herself, so we let her. It's easier than arguing with her. We spend our time fending off demons, racing cars and just doing goddessly things. Sometimes Keiichi's sister, Megumi, visits. That's always nice. We do so love company. Here's your room. I can bring some tea to you if you like."  
  
Sir Quatre brightened at the mention of tea, "You are very kind."  
  
"We try. Wait here. It won't be long. Make yourself at home." Belldandy turned and left Sir Quatre alone in the big, airy room.  
  
"I am very tired," Sir Quatre mused. The big bed was very tempting. He gave in and climbed onto it to take a short nap while he waited for his tea.  
  
"Hey there big boy. What's your name?"  
  
Sir Quatre screeched and bolted out of the bed which had sprouted a tall woman with white hair and a triangle on her forehead. Always polite, he managed to stutter out his name, "Sir Quatre the flaming," he squeaked.  
  
"I'm the cupid of love, and I want to share a little with you," the woman purred.  
  
"Um, I'm sorry but, but ….."  
  
The woman climbed out of the bed and approached him, stroking his face gently, "Aren't you cute. Not a man yet, but I could make you one…"  
  
"Eeep…" Sir Quatre turned very pale.  
  
"Urd! Leave him alone!"  
  
The woman, now revealed to be Urd, drew away from a shaking Sir Quatre, "Why should I? Do you want him?" Urd looked back at Sir Quatre, "I guess he is a little closer to your age. You can have him sis." With a poof, Urd was gone.  
  
Sir Quatre turned to his rescuer, a cute young girl with dark hair and a circle on her forehead, "Skuld?" he guessed.  
  
She nodded, "That's me. Don't mind Urd. She does that to guys all the time."  
  
"I see," Sir Quatre mumbled.  
  
"I'm an inventor. Wanna see some of my creations?" Skuld asked hopefully.  
  
"Um, sure," Sir Quatre shrugged and followed her, looking around warily for any sign of Urd.  
  
"Sir Quatre," Belldandy approached them.  
  
Sir Quatre had been planning to leave as soon as he could, Urd had terrified him, but Belldandy's next statement made him reconsider, "I forgot to ask you, what type of tea do you like? We have a whole room full of different kinds. Would you like to come and choose what type you want?"  
  
"He's coming to see my inventions!" Skuld protested, grabbing his arm.  
  
"He can do that while I'm making the tea. It won't take long."  
  
"All right," Skuld grumbled.  
  
Sir Quatre was led into a huge room piled to the ceiling with tea. "Wow…" he breathed.  
  
His tea admiring was interrupted by Sir Trowa bursting into the room. He grabbed Sir Quatre's sleeve and tugged him out the door, explaining, "……….."  
  
"I'm fine here! Can't I at least have tea?" Sir Quatre begged the object of his affection.  
  
"What's this? Two available guys?" a voice drifted into the room as Sir Trowa tugged Sir Quatre towards the door.  
  
Sir Quatre screamed, "Urd!"  
  
Then they were out the door. As soon as they were a safe distance from the Castle Urd, they stopped running, "I could have taken care of myself you know. I wasn't in any danger." Sir Quatre pouted.  
  
Sir Trowa brushed his cheek affectionately, "…….."  
  
"I bet you don't even like tea!" Sir Quatre sulked, stomping off in the direction of King Treize and Sir Wufei.  
  
Sir Trowa watched him go for a moment, knowing he would be forgiven soon anyway. Sir Quatre was always like that, but in the meantime, he was so cute when he pouted!  
  
Inside the castle Belldandy stared at the open door. Keiichi walked into the room, "What was all that about?"  
  
Belldandy shrugged, "We had a visitor, but he left. Oh well! Maybe he'll come and visit again someday."  
  
Keiichi chuckled, Belldandy was so sweet!  
  
"King Treize! Sir Trowa found a lead!" Sir Duo shouted, running down the hill into the campsite their leader was staying in.  
  
Sir Heero followed at a slower pace, along with the others. Sir Duo had heard the explosion of the Black Knight and correctly assumed it had something to do with his lover. They had met up with a sulking Sir Quatre and a quietly amused Sir Trowa at a crossroads not long after.  
  
Treize poked his head out of his tent, "A lead? Very good. Did you hear that Dragon?" Muffled grumbling came out of the tent. "Come out here and listen to it with me." Treize reached in and withdrew a bound, gagged and very unhappy Sir Wufei.  
  
Sir Trowa explained what he had learned from the magic fire. "Do you know where we can find them?" Treize asked excitedly. Sir Trowa added that bit of information. "Then to the mountains!" Treize announced, pointing majestically at the sky, and then began walking.  
  
Sir Trowa untied Sir Wufei, who began muttering about justice. Sir Duo pulled himself off of Sir Heero and followed, starting a round of 'This is the song that never ends'. Sir Heero bopped him on the head, and then dragged the unconscious, but silent, boy after him. Sir Quatre continued mourning the loss of the chance at tea time.  
  
Days later, they arrived at the mountain range Sir Trowa had been told about. "……," Sir Trowa further explained.  
  
"And on the other side of this bridge is the castle with the Holy Gundam?" Treize asked. Sir Trowa the silent nodded. "Very well. Now all we have to do is find this group of people, what are they called again?"  
  
"………."  
  
"Oh yes, Sorcerer Hunters. Well, as soon as we find these Sorcerer Hunters, we will almost have the Holy Gundam."  
  
A loud crash followed by screams interrupted them. A young man burst into the valley they were standing in, but when he saw them he froze. "Oh pretty girl! Would you like a date with me?" he called, running at them.  
  
The adventurers looked around for the pretty girl he was calling for. None showed up. The man skidded to a halt in front of Sir Duo. "I'm nice, and funny, and I smell good. Would you like a date?" he begged.  
  
Sir Duo blinked at him a few times, then grew annoyed, "I'm a boy!"  
  
"Eh?" the strange young man blinked, then blushed, "Oops." He then began screaming as he saw two young women and two more young men enter the valley.  
  
"Carrot!" the girl with pink hair and glasses scolded, "We're supposed to be working! Leave them alone!"  
  
"Darling," the other girl whined, "Why do you insist on chasing other girls when you have me?"  
  
The young man named Carrot ducked behind Sir Duo, clutching frantically at his black pants. Sir Heero seriously thought about killing him for touching his Sir Duo. "Tira! Chocolate!" Carrot whimpered in fear.  
  
A whip lashed out and yanked him away from the relative safety of Sir Duo and the girls proceeded to bash him on the head. When he was effectively stilled, the girl with glasses turned to them, "We're really sorry about that. Carrot is so hard to control."  
  
"……..," Sir Trowa whispered to Treize.  
  
"Really? These are the people we needed to seek?"  
  
"You were seeking us?" a young man with long black hair and flowing white robes asked. The bishonen boys as well as Treize stopped to stare at him. "What did you want with us?" he continued, getting unnerved by the stares that he could feel were just undressing him.  
  
Treize walked up to him and took his hand, bowing low over it and placing a kiss on the pale skin, "I am the soon to be King of the World, Treize. And you are?"  
  
The young man pulled his hand back, more than a little disturbed, but hiding it well, "My name is Marron Glace. This is my brother, Carrot. The girls are Tira and Chocolate and this is Gateau." he introduced his companions.  
  
"How old are you Marron?" Treize asked, offering him a rose.  
  
"Sixteen," Marron replied, taking the rose tentatively.  
  
"Sixteen. That's young enough to be a bishonen, and you certainly are pretty enough. Would you like to join us on our quest for the Holy Gundam?" Treize gently touched Marron's cheek.  
  
"Um," Marron looked decidedly uncomfortable.  
  
"So you don't like girls, huh Marron?" Gateau whispered quietly, but not quietly enough.  
  
"He doesn't like girls? Whoo who!" Sir Duo the hyperactive cheered, rushing up to him. "You'd fit right in with us! We're all a bunch of really nice looking pansies!"  
  
"I'm already with a group," Marron said weakly, backing away from Treize who was looking like he was about to pounce.  
  
Carrot stepped between his brother and Treize, "What did you want with us?"  
  
"………," Sir Trowa explained.  
  
"I know of that cave," Marron spoke up, glad to have the attention off of his looks. "We can take you there, but I must warn you, a horrible monster guards the entrance and no one has ever met with it and lived."  
  
"It's even worse than Carrot," Tira chimed in.  
  
"I'm sure Sir Heero can handle it!" Sir Duo gushed, glomping his love.  
  
"Very well. Follow us," Marron started walking into the woods with the rest of his teammates. The boys and their leader followed, admiring the way Marron's hair moved as he walked. At least the boys were admiring the movement of the hair. Treize was admiring more interesting motion.  
  
Not more than ten minutes later they arrived at a hill, overlooking the mouth of a cave. "Here's the cave," Marron announced.  
  
"Where's the monster?" Sir Duo asked, craning his neck for a glimpse.  
  
"There it is! Oh, darling, it's horrible!" Chocolate cried, latching onto Carrot.  
  
As Carrot tried to pry her off, the bishonen stared at the "monster". "It's a guinea pig," Sir Wufei observed.  
  
"Just look at the bones around it's lair," Gateau said, pointing. Sure enough, the lair was surrounded by piles of bones and rusting armor.  
  
"Dragon, go down there and kill it for me, will you?" Treize asked, waving a hand regally as he continued to freak out poor Marron.  
  
"Where's the justice?" Sir Wufei muttered under his breath as he stepped into the crater around the cave. Squealing evilly, the guinea pig jumped and latched onto his ankle, gnawing hungrily. "This is ridiculous," Wufei prepared to jamb his sword into the tiny rodent.  
  
"Stop!" Sir Quatre cried, running down into the pit, followed by Sir Duo. "Don't kill it! It hasn't done anything wrong!"  
  
"It's chewing on my ankle," Sir Wufei growled through gritted teeth.  
  
"It's so cute!" Sir Duo cried, scooping it up and cradling it against his chest. He just laughed as it tried to bite into his throat.  
  
"I give up. I quit," Sir Wufei stomped out of the crater, leaving Sir Quatre and Sir Duo to coo over the wretched beast.  
  
"He would have made a wonderful addition to our team," Treize murmured, staring off in the direction the Sorcerer Hunters had gone.  
  
"Treize, I quit," Sir Wufei announced.  
  
"You can't quit Dragon! We're so close!" Treize protested.  
  
"…….," Sir Trowa added quietly.  
  
Sir Wufei sighed, "I suppose I could stay around till the end, then I'm leaving!"  
  
"Very well Dragon. Let's go through that cave, shall we?"  
  
Sir Heero, Sir Trowa, and Sir Wufei followed Treize down to where Sir Duo and Sir Quatre were still playing with the evil guinea pig. Sir Duo turned big eyes on Sir Heero, "Can I keep it?"  
  
Sir Heero pulled a cage out of his spandex and handed it to Sir Duo, who put the guinea pig in it and glomped his lover. "What else does he have in that spandex?" Sir Quatre mused.  
  
Sir Duo leered, "I know, but I'm not telling!"  
  
"Thank you. It's probably best that you don't tell," Sir Quatre shuddered.  
  
Once in the cave they got horribly lost. "Where are we?" Sir Quatre moaned.  
  
"Look! A map of the cave is carved into the stone wall!" Sir Duo pointed out, bouncing up and down, excited at his discovery. The guinea pig whimpered as it was banged against the top of it's cage as Sir Duo jumped.  
  
"Excellent work Sir Duo the hyperactive," Treize smiled and turned to study the map. "Apparently we are here," he jammed his finger down on a spot, "If we go this way and then turn left, hmm…."  
  
Suddenly Sir Quatre squealed in horror, "The legendary cockroach beast of Romefeller!"  
  
The group spun around to face the new threat. It put it's hands on it's hips and glared at them, "I'm not a cockroach! I'm a human named Dorothy."  
  
"Then why do you look like a cockroach?" Sir Duo asked, peeking around from behind Sir Heero.  
  
Steam began coming out of her ears, "I do not look like a cockroach! For that you will all die!"  
  
Sir Heero's eyes brimmed with hope, "Really?"  
  
Sir Duo bopped him on the head, "You don't want to die anymore, baka! Remember?"  
  
"Oh yeah. In that case, Omae o korosu," Sir Heero whipped a gun out of his spandex and blew the legendary cockroach beast away.  
  
"Good job my brave knights, now follow me," Treize stepped over the smoking remains and walked off down a tunnel. The boys followed. Eventually they managed to find their way out.  
  
"……….," Sir Trowa informed them.  
  
"Three questions? How hard can that be? I'll go first!" Sir Duo the hyperactive bounced over to the bridge.  
  
"Does he know that if he gets one wrong, he gets sent into the pit?" Sir Quatre asked worriedly.  
  
"Would it stop him?" Sir Heero pointed out.  
  
"You have a point," Sir Quatre sighed.  
  
Meanwhile Sir Duo had approached the bridgekeeper. "Stop! What is your name?"  
  
"Sir Duo the hyperactive."  
  
"What is your quest?"  
  
"To find the Holy Gundam so my crazy leader can overthrow Queen Relena and become King of the World. I really don't know why I'm helping him at all, but Sir Heero is so I am and mph!"  
  
The bridgekeeper kept his hand firmly over Sir Duo's mouth, "What is your favorite color?"  
  
The boys eye's shone and the bridgekeeper reluctantly uncovered his mouth, "Black!" he beamed.  
  
"Go on," the gnarled old man gestured towards the bridge.  
  
"Thanks!" Duo smiled and skipped merrily across the bridge, swinging the poor guinea pig in it's cage.  
  
"Stop!" the old man said to the rest of the group. "What is your name?"  
  
"Sir Heero the suicidal."  
  
"What is your quest?"  
  
"To seek the Holy Gundam."  
  
"How do you feel about Sir Duo?"  
  
Sir Heero grew pale and began sweating, "I-I- Um, I can't say it!" He was flung into the air and into the gorge of Eternal Peril.  
  
"What is your name?"  
  
"Sir Quatre the flaming."  
  
"What is your quest?"  
  
"To seek the Holy Gundam."  
  
"What is your favorite tea?"  
  
"Green."  
  
The bridgekeeper stepped aside. "Go ahead."  
  
"Thank you!" Sir Quatre said warmly and stepped onto the bridge.  
  
"What is your name?"  
  
"………"  
  
"What is your quest?"  
  
"………"  
  
"What is the air speed velocity of a flying Gundam?"  
  
"…..," Sir Trowa lied, even though he knew the real answer. He was thrown into the air, but flipped and landed on the other side of the chasm.  
  
"Yay! Sir Trowa!" Sir Quatre could be heard faintly, gushing as usual.  
  
"What is your name?"  
  
"Sir Wufei the just."  
  
"What is your quest?"  
  
"To seek the Holy Gundam so I can get away from this hentai here," he pointed to Treize who looked shocked, but elegantly so.  
  
"What is the meaning of life?"  
  
"Justice."  
  
The man thought about it for a moment, then shrugged, "Good enough. You can pass." Sir Wufei passed the old man and crossed the bridge, leaving only their 'esteemed' leader.  
  
"What is your name?"  
  
"Soon-to-be King Treize."  
  
"What is your quest?"  
  
"To seek the Holy Gundam so I can become King of the World."  
  
"What is your greatest fault?"  
  
"I have no faults as far as I can see. What do you think my faults are?"  
  
"I don't know that! Ahhhh!" the old man was catapulted into the gorge.  
  
Treize shrugged and crossed the bridge. On the other side, Sir Heero had just climbed up the side of the gorge to rejoin his companions. There wasn't a scratch on him. "Look loyal followers! It is the castle containing the Holy Gundam!"  
  
"………," Sir Trowa whispered to Sir Quatre.  
  
"You're right. It does look familiar. I wonder why? It's too big to be Castle Urd…." Sir Quatre began sulking about tea again.  
  
Treize approached the castle and bellowed, "Let us in so we may get the Holy Gundam so I can become King of the World!"  
  
"Why should we? You wouldn't let me join you, so I'm not going to let you in!" Zechs called back.  
  
"You again? Look, you can join us, just hand over the Holy Gundam," Treize shouted, willing to do anything to get his way. He was so close to accomplishing his goal, he would stop at nothing to succeed.  
  
"Too late," Zechs shouted, "Now, prepare to die!"  
  
Suddenly the wooden gundam that they had constructed earlier landed in front of them, "Beat me if you can! I have a gundam, even if it is made of wood!" Zechs laughed.  
  
"I have a gundam too," Sir Heero said smugly, producing Gundam Wing from his spandex, along with Gundam Deathscythe for his lover to pilot.  
  
Sir Duo grinned at Sir Quatre as he clambered into Deathscythe's cockpit, "Told ya I knew what he had in that spandex!"  
  
Sir Quatre sweatdropped as the two Gundams took on the wooden model. In no time Zech's gundam was a pile of splinters. Sir Heero then blew up the castle so the only thing left standing was the Holy Gundam itself.  
  
"The Holy Gundam is Wing Zero!" Sir Wufei noted.  
  
"That would explain why it didn't want us to accomplish our mission," Sir Quatre realized.  
  
Treize began laughing hysterically, "At last! The Holy Gundam is all mine! BWAHAHAHAHA!" He climbed into the cockpit and shouted to his faithful knights, "Come with me! It's time to get rid of the Queen of the World!" He blasted off in Wing Zero. Deathscythe picked up the other knights and followed, Wing trailing after.  
  
Chaos broke out when three Gundams landed in the middle of the Queen's city. Everyone ran screaming away from the giant mechas. Everyone except the Queen, who also ran screaming, but she was running towards the suits. "Heeeeerrrrooooooo!" she wailed.  
  
In his cockpit, Sir Heero shuddered violently. Treize's voice blared out over the plaza, "I have the Holy Gundam! I am rightful King of the World!"  
  
Queen Relena looked up at Wing Zero, "Are you a pacifist?"  
  
"No, I'm a nut house escapee," he confessed. "But if you resign without a fight, you can marry my good knight, Sir Heero."  
  
Relena threw down her crown, "Done. Heeeerrrrrroooooooo!"  
  
Later that evening after a huge victory feast, Treize leaned back on his throne. "I would like to thank all of you bishonen for helping me accomplish my goal. You are all welcome to stay here with me and live in luxury for the rest of your lives."  
  
"We're going back to space," Sir Duo announced, latching onto Sir Heero's arm.  
  
"But Heeeeerrrrooooooo!" Relena whined.  
  
"Sir Heero, please, take her out," Treize frowned in distaste. Sir Heero complied, putting a round of bullets into her brain. "I meant take her out of the room, but that works too," King Treize shrugged elegantly and sniffed at a rose.  
  
"Sir Trowa and I are going to visit Castle Urd again, right Trowa?" Sir Quatre asked his love.  
  
"Sure," Sir Trowa replied. "What?" he asked, when he noticed everyone starring at him, mouths agape.  
  
"Um, what about you Dragon?" Treize asked, turning to his favorite, only to see he wasn't there. "Oh, he left. Nevermind, I'll find him. Now, I feel it is time to retire for the night. Goodnight boys, I'll see you all off tomorrow." With that he stood to go to his royal chamber.  
  
Sir Heero exchanged glances with the others, and as one, they stood and fled. Sir Heero produced two more Gundams for Sir Quatre and Sir Wufei, who they had found cowering in a corner. Sir Trowa took Wing and Sir Heero took Wing Zero. As they headed off and away from the castle, a huge explosion nearly deafened them.  
  
"Heero!" Sir Duo reprimanded from Deathscythe.  
  
Sir Heero looked sheepish, "Sorry. I couldn't help myself. It was a palace. I've always wanted to blow one up."  
  
The other boys laughed as they moved off into the night, ready for their next mission. 


End file.
